What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 08:07
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
It was going to be , some day.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Are you offended if Democrats call Republicans "weird"?
I was very sick at this time too.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Why does the UK Labour MP Jess Philips seem to be such a divisive figure?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I was scared of men, in general
I will be 64.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Do most men prefer curvy women or skinny women?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My life is so biszare .
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And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Is it okay if I sleep with my brother without my husband knowing?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He resisted the act ,that day.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
What is the best way to end a relationship with someone who has future plans with you?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I think the readers, may guess!
But it wasn’t much.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
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Comes on , in middle age.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Would this be the day?
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And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I could never make a relationship work though!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She found it foreign!.
She married twice! .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Ive learnt so much.
So whats the point in blame.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But, we were locked up after school.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
What did i know ?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We all went to grammer schools
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Was to survive, this bastard.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I have no regrets .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He knew the spot.
When she asked me how she looked .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She was in good health!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
So, i spoilt her more .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Who then, do I blame.?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Why did i forgive my father ?
She loved him until the end.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
All the time i was locked up.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
One cannot live in the past .
And i lived it daily.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
As i do to all so called friends.?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I couldn’t, believe it.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
This is soul school!.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My family never makes their pension either.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I write beautiful poetry .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I said to her
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Put me off passion for life!!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Im still living with it.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I was seconnd youngest,
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I don,t even have a pension.
I waited trembling.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Especially a lifetime of it.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She wouldn,t have been !
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
We were not on the streets..
I was 9 years of age.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!